So for the past few weeks I’ve been really asking for love and support from friends and family, the royal baby, a nations happiness forcing its way through to my sadness. I’ve been asking people I have let into my life since Rosie died to show me they care, to be there to try and love me.
This week I have been shown that those who once shared our loss of our daughter no longer share it with us but are now jealous that we have had this tragedy happen to us and not them. Some people just can’t see others pain because all they have to worry about is small in comparison to truly tragic circumstances. I have been shocked that some people have turned out to be so selfish they tell me they can’t love me, such as my mother in law. I begged her to show me love and support, she couldn’t. She told me that I don’t love my husband because I don’t have a job, she told me I control my mum whom I look after because I don’t let her grieve because I live with her. She told me that she had more of a right to grieve over my daughter than me. This is the woman who tried to break mine and Andrew’s wedding up, got me in a room surrounded by her family when I was five months pregnant so they could tell me how horrible I was and how I’d never be good enough for their family, this is the woman who let her other son come at me in a rage to be stopped by my husband. This is the woman whom let her husband square up to and threaten me whilst pregnant. This pathetic excuse for a woman also text my husband several times asking if he was dead… I guess she must be happy now she got her wish and someone died. This woman shouted at and belittled me on my wedding day and asked nothing about our pregnancy with Rosie after that. She didn’t know Rosie, she didn’t care about her or Andrew and I so she must have felt guilty when Rosie died. I blessed this awful human by letting her say goodbye to my daughter when she was stillborn. I blessed this woman by telling her I loved her and calling her mum. I showed her grace and favour after all she had done and let her family do to me, Andrew and Rosie. Six months after Rosie’s death she has told me I shouldn’t grieve any longer, she has told me I am lazy and don’t work hard, she has told me I am selfish myself for grieving and asking for support and love. This woman also told me how a few days after Rosie died she took lots of tablets and tried to kill herself. What a selfish person to try and make me, the mother of, the woman who went through labour knowing my baby died and gave birth to. She is so black hearted and jealous that she wanted this tragedy to happen to her so that she could have the attention, the sympathy, the love. Very sick minded for someone to think only of themselves. My
mother in law monster in law’s husband even agreed with me that she can’t love, she doesn’t know how to show it. She thrives off attention, jealousy and selfishness.
There are people that will, believe it or not, be jealous that your baby died. There are people that are so selfish they cannot put anyone before themselves, these people have a black heart which you won’t be able to heal. As much as I tried to bless this woman and her family it didn’t work, they couldn’t handle my strength and love so I bless them now by letting them fester together alone. This light is no longer in their lives but shines for her own family. The future me and my amazing rock of a husband have together. Do not try and change those selfish and jealous people just cut them out of your life like the cancer they are.
Blessings are coming.